Friday, October 21, 2011
5th Call – Your Computer Is Causing Errors
I think they like me. Calls are only days apart now.
Last night the conversation went like this. The accent was extremely heavy, and the line very noisy with a lot of background conversation noise. Their names have been upgraded. -=Edited for length=-
Me: “Who did you say this is?”
Idiot #1: “Daniel, calling to fix your computer’s errors.”
Me: “Who did you say your were?”
Idiot #1: “I am calling about errors from your computer. Are you by your computer now. I will show you errors.”
Me: “But who are you, do you work for Microsoft?”
Idiot #1: “No. Yes. Computer service. I am Engineer Technician.”
Me: “From Microsoft?”
Idiot #1: “Yes, support services.”
Me: “Tell me something. (caller babbles on non-stop) Shut up and let me talk for a moment. (Silence) I was just talking to Microsoft moments ago, and the caller Id said ‘Microsoft,’ with a number. How come your number is completely blocked?”
Idiot #1: “Huh? Oh, is a big company you know. There are many phones, they all don’t show the number on the telly phone.”
Me: “I am inclined not to believe a word you are saying.”
Idiot #1: “Just a moment sir, I will get my supervisor, ok? Ok?”
Me: “Sure, go ahead.”
2nd Idiot comes on the phone. Clear line, less of an accent.
Idiot #2: “Hello, hello, good evening sir, we are calling because your computer is causing many errors and it must be cleared up immediately.”
Me: “Great, who did you say you are?”
Idiot #2: “I am a supervisor.”
Me: “Supervisor of what?”
Idiot #2: “Computer support services. If you will start your computer we will show you the errors.”
(Here we go again.)
Me: “Which one is it?”
Idiot #2: “Your main computer, the one you use all the time.”
Me: “I use them all – all the time, tell me which one it is.”
Idiot #2: “Your main computer, it doesn’t matter, start any one of them, they all come through the same IP.”
Me: “If you are suggesting my computer is causing errors, you should be able to tell me which one and which operating system is causing it.”
Idiot #2: “How many you have.”
Me: “22”
Idiot #2: “You running a cyber cafe or something?”
Me: “It doesn’t matter what business I am doing, you need to tell me which computer is causing the problem.”
Idiot #2: “Any one with Windows XP or Vista on it.”
Me: “Listen, I think this has gone far enough. I don’t have any with XP or Vista. So you are a bit off track. I have a strong suggestion for you, don’t call this number anymore, or something will be done about it.” (And I do have a plan that will make for an interesting situation should another call arrive. Great for a follow-up story.)
Idiot #2: “Fu… You, You can call the police, you can call the military, we don’t give a Fu…! Fu… your 22 computers!”
CLICK!
And chapter 5 of the saga ends. Not bad, kept them on the phone for 20 minutes this time.
This work by NSCAVE is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License
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