"RoseGarden" - - - - - - - from - nscave

I think they like me. Calls are only days apart now.

Last night the conversation went like this.  The accent was extremely heavy, and the line very noisy with a lot of background conversation noise. Their names have been upgraded.  -=Edited for length=-

Idiot #1: Good evening sir, this is Daniel calling from Computer Support Services. Your com-pu-ter is causing massive errors on the internet, and it must be corrected immediately.”

Me: “Who did you say this is?”

Idiot #1: “Daniel, calling to fix your computer’s errors.”

Me: “Who did you say your were?”

Idiot #1: “I am calling about errors from your computer. Are you by your computer now. I will show you errors.”

Me: “But who are you, do you work for Microsoft?”

Idiot #1: “No. Yes. Computer service. I am Engineer Technician.”

Me: “From Microsoft?”

Idiot #1: “Yes, support services.”

Me: “Tell me something. (caller babbles on non-stop) Shut up and let me talk for a moment. (Silence) I was just talking to Microsoft moments ago, and the caller Id said ‘Microsoft,’ with a number. How come your number is completely blocked?”

Idiot #1: “Huh? Oh,  is a big company you know. There are many phones, they all don’t show the number on the telly phone.”

Me: “I am inclined not to believe a word you are saying.”

Idiot #1: “Just a moment sir, I will get my supervisor, ok? Ok?”

Me: “Sure, go ahead.”

2nd Idiot comes on the phone. Clear line, less of an accent.

Idiot #2: “Hello, hello, good evening sir, we are calling because your computer is causing many errors and it must be cleared up immediately.”

Me: “Great, who did you say you are?”

Idiot #2: “I am a supervisor.”

Me: “Supervisor of what?”

Idiot #2:  “Computer support services. If you will start your computer we will show you the errors.”

(Here we go again.)

Me: “Which one is it?”

Idiot #2: “Your main computer, the one you use all the time.”

Me: “I use them all – all the time, tell me which one it is.”

Idiot #2: “Your main computer, it doesn’t matter, start any one of them, they all come through the same IP.”

Me: “If you are suggesting my computer is causing errors, you should be able to tell me which one and which operating system is causing it.”

Idiot #2: “How many you have.”

Me: “22”

Idiot #2: “You running a cyber cafe or something?”

Me: “It doesn’t matter what business I am doing, you need to tell me which computer is causing the problem.”

Idiot #2: “Any one with Windows XP or Vista on it.”

Me: “Listen, I think this has gone far enough. I don’t have any with XP or Vista. So you are a bit off track. I have a strong suggestion for you, don’t call this number anymore, or something will be done about it.” (And I do have a plan that will make for an interesting situation should another call arrive. Great for a follow-up story.)

Idiot #2: “Fu… You, You can call the police, you can call the military, we don’t give a Fu…!   Fu… your 22 computers!”

CLICK!

And chapter 5 of the saga ends. Not bad, kept them on the phone for 20 minutes this time.

This work by NSCAVE is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License