"RoseGarden" - - - - - - - from

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Continuing Series: Computer Producing Errors

As reliable as clock work (the wind up kind), I got my call from 'Microsoft Technical Services' that my computer is causing errors and they are calling to help me.

Utah 435-319-0446 calling!

Its wonderful to have such personal service. The call was from a helpful lady technician who again informed me my computer was receiving errors and I needed their help to fix. Her name was Anna.

Me: "Receiving errors?"

Her: "Yes it is producing errors to us, which is very bad. You can receive "virus-sus" and it can ruin your hard drive and ruin your computer motherboard."

Me: "Errors? My computer? I would have to board my mother?"

Her: "No. Yes. Are you sitting in front of your computer now? I will tell you what you do so we can fix it right away."

Me: "I am sitting in front of my computers - you need to tell me which one is causing errors, because I have more than one."

Her: "You have more than one? It doesn't matter. Just turn one on and I will give you instructions."

Me: "Ma'am, if you are telling me my computer is producing errors that you can detect, then you should be able to tell me which computer it is. So -Which one is it?"

Her: "It doesn't matter. You have only one internet connection, right? So any computer you have will show the same errors."

Me: "You telling me I have only one connection, or asking me?"

Her: "You have more than one computer and you have more than one connection?"

Me: "I have more than one computer, I have more than one connection. If you are able to detect errors from my computer you must have the capability to tell me which one and which connection."

Her: "Which operating system you have?"

Me: "If you can detect errors, you must know the operating system. You tell me."

Her: "Windows 7, turn on your Windows 7 computer."

Me: "It has been on all along. In fact they are all on. So which one are you detecting errors from?"

Suddenly as if by magic a male voice appears, who identifies himself with a great North American name that doesn't match the accent. He is a senior Microsoft Technician from their technical advisory division, here to help me.

Him: "Good day sir. How are you today?"

Me: "Fine Mr. Williams. I am just having a little trouble with your cohort telling me my computer is producing errors when she can't identify which one it is."

Him: "Yes sir, we are receiving many errors from your computer and as a technical service representative of Microsoft we are going to help you fix that. This can’t go on and must be fixed immediately."

Me: "Well sir, I have more than one computer, I have more than one operating system, I have more than one connection, and I need to know which computer is causing the problem. Your partner couldn't tell me."

Him: "It doesn't matter. Are you in front of your computer now?"

Me: "Yes I am, in front of several of them, and they are all on. Tell me which one is causing the errors."

Him: "You have more than one computer, more than one... it doesn't matter. Its Windows 7."

Me: "Which Windows 7 is it. I have computers running Windows 7 and 8. You need to tell me the i/p and Mac address of the computer causing the problem."

Him: "Listen, turn the Windows 7 computer on, it doesn't matter which one. The errors come on Vista, Windows 7 and Windows 8. I'll give you the number of the error to prove that's the one. You got it on?"

Me: "They are all on. I told you that already."

Him: "OK here's the number, put it in your computer. blah blah blah" (gives a long number with some letters).

Me: "Sir, that's a number that is in all Windows operating systems. Be more specific. Give me the i/p address you are talking about and the MAC address of my computer that is the problem."

Him: "Because of security and privacy things like that we are not allowed to give out that information. Certain identity information is very important and security is important. For everyone's safety."

Me: "That's why I am asking for the identity of my computer. If you are telling me it is producing errors, you already know its my computer because you are contacting me. So I need the i/p address to narrow it down to which computer it is. Without it we are going nowhere."

Him: "Okay, here's the i/p address of your computer. It will prove that it is your computer. Your computer is 192.193.1.83."

Strange, that i/p checks out to be a site belonging to Citicorp Global Information Network, City: Sydney, Region: New South Wales Country: Australia.

I am on the opposite side of the world from there.

Me: "Nope, there's no computer on my system with that i/p. Want to try another?"

Him: "Is this a business? Or a home computer? Cause if its a business we don't deal with that. We have a separate division that looks after business."

Me: "You tell me. If you are able to detect errors on my computer, it should be easy for you to determine if it is a business or home or personal, whatever."

Him: "It does matter. We don't do business, only home computer. You say you have more than one computer and more than one connection. If you are business you have to tell me."

Me: "I'm not telling you anything, you’re the one telling me – that my computer is causing errors, but can't tell me even which one."

Him: "Are you trying to check my validity? Are you saying I'm not valid. OK I'll prove my validity, you just wait a minute..." CLICK! hmmmmmmmm...